We
communicate daily through texting, emailing, tweeting, skyping, and talking on
the phone, but we tend to forget another common form of communication which is
nonverbal. It consists of any type of
body language that doesn’t involve using words.
Messages can be communicated through gestures and by touch, facial expression,
and by eye contact. This type of
communication is affected the most in relationships between men and women
because they both communicate so differently and sometimes messages can be
conveyed in a different way then it was actually supposed to be. Relationships can be affected negatively
because of the miscommunication of nonverbal cues. If we decrease the amount of misread nonverbal
communication by using more verbal, then this could lead to healthier relationships.
First, it’s important to look at the
differences between men and women in nonverbal communication. Men and women differ significantly in their
use of nonverbal communication, their skill in interpreting it, and their means
of signaling their meaning. One of the
reasons that men and women communicate differently is that their reasons for
communicating are often different. Men
generally communicate to transmit information and solve specific problems,
while women usually communicate to express feelings and show emotion (Carnes). Women tend to make more eye contact because
they want to establish an emotional connection and they generally rely more on
facial expressions to convey their meaning.
Men are more likely to display behaviors of power, dominance, and
assertiveness. They also prefer face to
face communication (Carnes).
Nonverbal
communication using body language is a key part of a relationship. Without it most
relationships wouldn’t work. So many
people would rather communicate with their body language rather than using
words and it’s important for both partners in a relationship to be able to
understand these messages clearly. Misunderstood messages could lead to
conflict in relationships because when people disagree, the nonverbal cues they
use play a critical role in determining whether the conflict escalates or is
managed successfully (Floyd, Guerrero 198).
The way couples manage conflict is sometimes more important than the
conflict itself. Research has found that
the primary factor discriminating between couples who stayed together versus
those who broke up was how constructively they communicated during the conflict
episode (Floyd, Guerrero 201). Those who
stayed together reported that the conflict led to increased understanding and
confidence that they could solve problems together. For those who broke up, the conflict led to
confusion and uncertainty about the state of their relationship (Floyd,
Guerrero 201). This is where we have a miscommunication of nonverbal cues
leading to a negative effect on the relationship.
Nonverbal
communication can be harmful to relationships such as pretending to enjoy
conversations, mocking or mimicking, and giving misleading clues that you
understand a topic can affect a relationship in a negative way. Nonverbal communication can push partners away
from each other due to hurt feelings.
It’s easy to bring outside stress into your relationship and your
partner could feel there’s something wrong which could lead to distance between
partners.
Positive,
non-verbal communication provides a feeling of openness within a relationship,
encouraging partners to discuss their problems with each other. Relationships depend on non verbal
communication if they are to be strong and lasting. The quality of your relationship can be
improved if you can skillfully read people, and understand the emotions behind
their words (“What does that smile mean” 93).
When one party receives mixed signals, trust can leave the relationship
and it will be damaged. Trust can be
created in a relationship by sending non verbal clues that match your words (“What
does that smile mean” 93). The way you respond to someone nonverbally can show
that you understand and care about them and the relationship will grow and be
fulfilling to both.
In a recent study on a survey done by
college students that show the differences in nonverbal behaviors and how it
changes in different stages of a relationship found that there are differences
in nonverbal communication within each stage.
There were five different stages of a relationship that were looked at
in the study. These included casual
dating, exclusively dating, long term relationship, and cohabitation while in a
long term relationship, and marriage.
Research has found that when conflict is caused in relationships, it
decreases the amount of positive communication (Punyanunt-Carter, Prinsen 3). It has been found that unhappy couples seem
to display more negative emotional facial expressions than other couples. Researchers have found that couples who make
error in decoding the meaning of facial expressions reported more problems
within their relationship. This leads to
the accuracy of nonverbal communication decreasing when the satisfaction of the
relationship decreases. The conclusion
of the results indicated that there is a difference in nonverbal communication
between gender and different relationship stages (Punyanunt-Carter, Prinsen 5).
Casual dating partners reported lower levels of the importance and outlook of
nonverbal communication than individuals from in a married relationship. These
results indicated that the more involved the romantic partners are then the
more important nonverbal communication is in their relationship (Punyanunt-Carter,
Prinsen 7).
Couples who already don’t communicate
well verbally will have a difficult time having a relationship involving
nonverbal communication because if your unable to understand your partners
point of view in a verbal conversation and if it leads to arguments, then you
will definitely have a hard time with nonverbal communication. Everyone knows that communication is the key
to any relationship regardless of whether it’s verbal or nonverbal. It’s important to sit back and observe your
partner because this will help you learn their ways and how to go about
communicating with them. Sometimes it’s
just easier for us to give up and say we are not made for each other, but in
some cases this isn’t true because it’s hard for some people to realize that
they have an inability to communicate and understand what someone is saying and
that can be changed.
Overall, communication in relationships
can be very challenging and can sometimes lead to break ups. We can avoid this problem if we decrease the
amount of misread nonverbal communication that we use because it has proven
that it can affect relationships negatively.
Why make assumptions or guesses about what your partner is trying to
say? Nonverbal communication is basically used as a substitute to express what you
really want to say verbally. It’s better to use more verbal communication that
way you are clear in what you are communicating and there’s a less chance of
messages being misinterpreted. This will
decrease the amount of unnecessary conflict based on misguided body language. Let’s
face it, men and women will never fully understand each other but we can try by
open communication and being direct in what we are saying. Strong communication between partners can be
the key to a successful relationship.
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